Sugar, Spice, and a little bit of Life

The Problem with Now.

2011-09-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

This is my reality lately. Life moves so fast that each moment turns into a distant memory even faster than I can register whats going on.

Take a walk with me...

2011-07-29T06:16:00.000-07:00

In my summer garden there were happy cucumbers

And over zealous jalapenos

Collards...

and purple bell peppers

beatuiful tomatoes...

Sweet little cherry maters speckled with dirt. I love dirt.

Cabbage...cabbages are grumpy.

and swirly bean plants.

Can't forget the super cute zucchini with their blossoms on.

Well mostly. I have to say goodbye to my pretty veggies that grew effortlessly and produced wave upon wave of awesome yumminess from my garden. The sun is relentless and many of my plants have succumb to the terrible heat wave. This last few days will most likely be my final crop of most of my favorites...

Home gardens are infamous for weird shaped veggies, extra amounts of dirt and blemishes, and the taste of sunripened and warm food that despite it's differences from grocery stores, is well worth the effort.

Silly bell pepper.

I'll do my best to keep up with the plants that haven't completely died. What you see here was completely canned because I knew we wouldn't eat it quickly.

And now for the grand finale...the lone Kohlrabi at his curtain call....

Dang he was pretty. Then I unceremoniously ate him.

And this my dear friends is why I am always busy.

Yes there is dust on my table...don't judge me.

My summer is beautiful.

2011-07-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

A three legged kitty with bright green eyes, a goodwill decorative throw, and a picnic table turned headboard. What we see around us, is an outward expression of an inward thought. I think life is simply beautiful.

And because of that, I have so much joy. I'm living well.

To my Honey on Father's Day

2011-06-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day John. I hope you got enough fishing in. I hope your lasagna is exactly the way you want it, and the blueberry cheesecake crepes were the way you remember them. When I first started dating you I knew you were the kind of dad that any kid would want to have. The whole house lights up when you come home from work. The combination of those two things are a testament to the kind of heart you have for kids, for family, and for life. We love you.

I 'can'not wait!

2011-06-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

I cannot explain the degree of excitement....

Over these jars full of food.

I have been waiting, so very patiently, to can again...

One thing I know for sure, I belong in a kitchen, making food, making art. Making the family happy the whole year through when I put up the harvest. Everyone has a favorite to request, and I'm always ready to fill them.

Simple joys baby....Momma likes.

Always Up To NO DANG GOOD...

2011-06-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

But sweet, and adorable make up for that.

Some Big Ol' Garden Pictures

2011-06-11T06:04:00.000-07:00

This is what my mornings look like. When I'm awake for the sunrise the day is always brighter.

I have a "thing" for succulents. I want to own and display every single kind ever.

Wild roses, Callas, and Coral bells....

Things look different at 5 a.m.

And since I report to work at 9, I appreciate the peace and calm even more than I did before.

A New Project an Update, and Treading Water

2011-06-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

I've been busy. I've been so busy that I started getting up early to get ALL OF EVERY crazy thing done because there just wasn't enough time in my day. For those of you who really know me, I don't get up early. My top lids are permanently affixed to my bottom lids until at least 7:30. Normally.

I have a huge garden, both flower and vegetable. Five trees, four of which are babies- and I don't mean that as an insult. Two crazy BIG kids a few furry animals Grandma Mary who has returned to Tennessee, and as always, a very hungry....John. Lots of livin' going on around la casa de SugarSpice.

Plus I have projects, and news and actual bantering material, so yes, I'm quite proud to say I have posts coming up, pictures to share, and the overwhelming sense that a neglected blog never dies, it's full of my life. And that keeps it cozy.

Onto the PROJECT.....

I made a headboard. Out of an old red picnic table that had seen it's better days. It was a hand-me-down with the potential for happy picnics, rustic meals in the yard and other far from reality dreams that include sunshine and daisies. HOWEVER, the cruel back yard has at times been snake infested, full of grumpy bees, mondo amounts of ticks, and my new mortal enemy...chiggers. Not to mention creepy crawly ants. There are dinosaur bugs back there too, but all they seem to do is make eyes twitch.

In short the picnic table sat unloved, for quite some time. Until one day I literally dreamt I made it into a headboard. And then...I did it for real.

Its withered and worn, scraped and sanded, and perfectly mismatched from everything else in my room. And the best news is...there are no bugs crawling from it!

John doesn't like my combo of zebra and country/shabby chic. But I make the bed. So I win.

I guess at the end of the day as long as there are no bugs in your hair, the possibilities are endless. And I rather love my new-old headboard.

My Sam

2011-05-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

I will miss you. We all will. You were a source of laughter, a lesson to us all, that life should be harnessed and lived and absorbed. Without fear of what may come, without stifling insecurity or well groomed fur. Thanks for driving across the country with me twice. And for always using a litter box. Thanks for bringing home those mice. I was just as proud as you were. Remember that last storm when you nearly wrestled me to the ground as I tried to carry you to safety? In the mud? With that sheet of rain barreling down on us? I think I forgive you now.

I promise to live life hard and sit on a fallen log now and again. Thanks Sam, the only orange kitty I ever loved.

Love, Mom

Sam Cat

From Then-Until Today

Rest Gently Kitten

Vat O' Salsa

2011-03-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

I made a whole Vat O' Salsa today. It sort of took me by surprise. I knew there were a couple quarts of tomatoes involved, but the sheer amount of salsa sort of stunned me. It was a lot.....Of salsa. Salsa Salsa Salsa.

So let's talk salsa. Last year as I was reaping the harvest (aka, my neighbor Donnie brought me all of the tomatoes he couldn't can in time), I made what I considered to be quite a bit of salsa. I was up to my elbows in it. Utterly stained and awkwardly smelling for days after. And I want you to know something....it was the best salsa ever. Every moment that led up to that salsa was a moment leading up to that salsa and nothing else. It was salsa destiny.

And then one day it was gone.

You see I use salsa often. In chili, enchiladas, tacos, with a spoon straight out of the jar. I'm a hardcore salsa user and this was no exception. So eventually it disappeared from my stock, I searched the back of my cabinets and all I found was tomatoes. Plain. Tomatoes. That were plain. I don't know if you can see where I'm going with this, but I was sad.

Then sad turned to desperate. I decided I would use my canned tomatoes to make a batch of THE salsa and either eat it really quickly or freeze it. Have you ever tried to eat a vat o' salsa? Can you even freeze salsa? I don't know but I am apparently willing to find out. Because....it's the best.salsa.ever.

So what made it so fabulous? It was chunky, but not thick. It was pretty durn spicy, we dig spicy round these here parts. It had just the right amount of seasoning and other veggies. But what really makes me love it? The vinegar. I never knew what it was that added the twang to salsa before I started making it, but just the right amount will cause twang indeed.

Here it is. Two versions. For hardcore canners, and for those who know they can can but chose not to can. As opposed to can-can. Which is something else entirely.

You MUST try it....

My version of the Best Salsa Ever, with canned tomatoes:

Mix the following in a large bowl, which you will refer to as a vat:

8 cups of tomatoes, drained of most liquid

1 Tablespoon Olive Oil

1/2 Cup Vinegar

In a food processor chop the following to desired size? choppiness? Just do it how you like.

1 onion quartered

1 Yellow Bell Pepper cut into 2 inch pieces

2 Green Bell Peppers cut into 2 inch pieces

6 Jalapenos halved, I don't seed them, it's up to you!

1 Cup of Hot Pickled Peppers, I used wax peppers (salsa will be fab even without these, I just had lots of them on hand from last year's cantastic event)

Add the chopped veggies to the tomato vat.

The spice mix:

1 Tablespoon Garlic Powder

4 Tablespoons salt

1 Tablespoon Black Pepper

1 Tablespoon Crushed Red pepper

2 Tablespoons Sugar

1 Tablespoon Cumin

1 teaspoon Paprika

2 teaspoons Chili Powder

Measure out 3 Tablespoons and 1 teaspoon of this mixture and add it to the vat o' maters.

(you can store the rest for two more batches down the road, or as seasoning for a nice kick)

Stir.

That's it. You are done!

At least that's what I did. Because the crunch of the peppers and onion is NICE.

It'll make quite a bit of salsa. Like, 3 quarts?

But you know you want it. I want you to want it. I would give you it if I could.

** want the canning recipe? Here it is!

Samon Says

2011-03-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

**pronounce as Salmon

Samon says:

Sleep on a buffet.

He gets away with a lot. He commands attention with his effortless kitteness. But he's a grumpy old man, who randomly cultures dreadlocks, confuses himself with dogs, he's a diva. But he can't get his nails did. Because he doesn't have any.

He is my primary source for advice....

On how I should treat myself. He's like "You are a centerrrrr piece, sit in zeee centerrrrr." He knows things.

Samon.....He says stuff.

Foodlove, the Foodiverse. And so on.

2011-03-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

I bet you don't know one of my biggest struggles here on this blog. I bet you don't.

Do you know? HUH? NO?

I'll give you a clue....ITS A BIG DEAL TO ME. Any closer?

Okay well you if you haven't figured it out yet its food. I know right? Like, Food? Seriously?

It's true. I love to cook, most of the way I travel and experience peoples lives and perspectives is through food. By far my favorite way to make memories is through food. Cooking with friends, eating with the boys. Food is an old friend, not something I abuse, but a way to compliment my flair for adventure. I like good food, but I actively search out better than great food. I want the BEST recipes compiled, the easiest answers to get there, and the most financially sound methods, even if it causes me to pour effort from every ounce of my being. I want to pass on the quality. I want it to be perfected and engineered for my perspective generations to come. Because if I could choose a legacy it would be food, the way I see it.

But food is more than flavors and tastes for me. Its art. It's unique in that it only stays one way for a short time, that the best way to capture it in photos and in taste, texture color, pairing...well it would be a great to get that all nailed down at once, but who does? I don' know the best way to show bring it to you- The recipes, the photos, the experiences, the history.

And in there, that single space-those tiny aspects, is where I hit my struggle head on. HOW do I post about food on this site? (which for all it's worth, isn't really the best stage for my foodlove broadcasts, but hey, its what I got, why not use it)

Is my food about taste? Is it about the recipe? Or maybe just the pictures? The Foodiverse is vast, the ways we love it are always different. Do I post about my affinity for the unusual seldom eaten, mysterious Northwestern cultural foods? Or maybe about the newness of Southern Food, and that I FIT RIGHT INto a southern kitchen?

AHHH how do I display it? What is my source of passion? What is the mode by which the information hooks you? I don't have these answers.

I can't grasp all the ways I want to reel you into this lifestyle of food discovery. The south has definitely only intensified the craving. It's dynamic, inspiring, more than my words, content in being passed from hand to hand, lived, ignored. Food is for everything. Sadness, Healing; the biggest moments, the smallest afterthoughts. Rendered mysterious by so many interpretations.

This experience I want you to have it. I want to pull it up and place it in your hands, for you to feel its weight, to see its depth, but even I am still collecting it discovering it, and therefore I am unable to share it fully, but still I just want to hand it over. It should not only be mine. It cannot only be for me.

What are your kitchen secrets? Do you have a recipe I should try? The one the family requests at every get together.

I still don't have a game plan. I still don't know how best to share it, but lets share anyway.

Seed Starting!

2011-02-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

This is something I've done before, but never on so grand a scale. This year we are starting literally hundreds of plants. Seed starting can look complicated and overwhelming if it's something your not familiar with, but the only way you can really establish a rhythm and know what to expect is to try it out.

Last year we had a few veggies that we bought already in plantform from a local hardware store. This year however I took that total expense and got many many more options for what we can grow and HOW MANY plants we can grow for nearly the same price.

Last year we had 3 tomato plants, this year I have 14, so far, I always expect a few not to do particularly well. Nature is fickle like that.

At 4 bucks a plant compared with about $1.00- $2.00 per seed packet containing at least 50 seeds I did pretty well for how happy my Roma's are in their little mini peat pots.

We had 2 cucumber plants last year, this year we have 4. I payed nearly the same price for these plants as I did for tomatoes. And 20¢ for the seed packet.

We had 3 bell pepper plants, this year we have 9, payed pennies per plant yet again.

I know that the timing of planting and the work in the garden itself takes a great amount of effort to wrap a novice brain around, after all I am a novice. But here's the trick, I am still learning but willing to make the mistakes on quite a few different 20¢ seed packets if I learn what I can do next year feasibly.

Then there's the dream big factor that plays into everything I do.

Plus I think the idea of discovery is about the coolest thing ever. The boys learn right along with me. Too many wins, not to try regardless of a couple of fails.

So lets see how it goes shall we? I'll keep you up to date and maybe you'll even want to join in the fun. It's not too late to start sowing seeds indoors. Find a sunny place by a window, a few things you want to grow (or just one thing, that's fine too), a plant starter tray (or egg shells filled with soil, or egg containers filled with soil), and some water.

You just plant, water and walk away. Hopefully I will get a post up about our soil and the amendments we use, as the process moves forward into the spring :)

Here's the run down of what will be in my garden....

Roma Tomatoes

Beefsteak Tomatoes

Cucumber

Sunflower

Winter squash

Zucchini

Green Beans

Kohlrabi

Beets

Collards

Chives

Basil

Rosemary

Bell Peppers

Jalapenos

onions

Raspberries

Garlic

Potatoes

Cabbage

Eggplant

Cotton- heh

strawberries

Sugar Pumpkins

Jack O Lantern Pumpkins

Amaranth

whoa.

This is my kinda work, not only do I get to watch it progress, I get to eat it! YEAH. It takes about a week to really get things going, but its so fun to watch as the plants suddenly become established and sort of grow out of control! YOU HAVE TO TRY IT! This is so fun. If you have more in depth questions about how long and what crop you want just let me know, I'd be glad to help.

Here's my boys' favorite so far, the Jack O' Lantern seedling is about 9 inches long and grows about an inch everyday so far! He's only been around a week but he's ready to do make some punkins! Well not really, I mean I have to talk him down, to enjoy his youth, with only two leaves and no one to share his peat pot with. He takes it well. It goes like this "Jack honey, just calm down and give it some time you will be out in the soil before you know it," Jack says, "......." And the conversation is over.

I'm so proud, I've raised him not to argue.

Oh yeah, did I mention my seeds started sprouting in just 3 days? No? Even I was surprised and I totally broke a few rules to get there I'm sure. But it fans the rebel fire in my soul while feeding my family of largish men.

You see it all came down to two things. A horrendously brown towel courtesy of the US ARMY whom my stud of a husband works for, and a heating pad, set to low, covered in said ugly towel. It made my seeds happy. The end.

Wait what were we talking about?

Oh Yeah,

Okay now I know using heating pads to generate mondo seed growth may cause some red flags to raise in your heads, unless you keep one in your hand-then we need to talk. They sell them just for seeds anyway so instead of being nickle and dimed by somebody I'm just going to work with what resources I've got. You can do whatever you like otherwise. Deal? MMkay.

Let me know if you decide to try it out!

What crops are you growing this year? Are you trying anything new?

BlissDom 2011

2011-02-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

Taken by Carissa Rogers from left to right Melanie, Lisa, me, Jenn

This is only part one. I really want to write about the FlashMob BUT it makes me so emotional I just need more time to put it into words rather than tears. This is really super long. I use the word unique far too often. I'm sorry in advance.

To say this year at BlissDom stood in stark contrast to last year's experience would be an understatement.

While the connections I made haven't wavered, the eye opening experience and concept behind the workshops led me to a greater respect for the accomplishments of so many diversified digital media savvy women, and a few men too.

Taken by Mooshinindy's, Casey Mullins In picture Kat of Sassy Irish Lassie and Sarah of This Moms Wired

Everyones goals are different. What they seek at a conference varies from monetizing blogs and web design, to dreaming up new brands, companies, and ideas. Even just to hang out with friends not seen in a year. The commonness of living cast across the US is healing for a military family like ours because many of these people live far from each other and yet have the closest connections with their blogging friends. They just get it.

Over the last year with constant exposure to influential woman who know their way around marketing strategies while building their sites from the code up, it was been impossible not to dream more, seek more, and feel capable of more, because of their inspiration.

There is a lot of Way Paving going on throughout the web. Its become more than a database of instruction. Its become a living and beating heart of talent community compassion and its rhythm is unshakable.

No matter how many chins I have I treasure this pic. Moments with Amy are priceless. Taken by Southern Fairytale's, Rachel

Yet there in lies an equal opposite. Jealousy strides behind innovation, complainers are finding their voices, however strained, are being carried and echoed into new corridors. No one wants to proceed after its wake. And much of what was said is remembered only for a short time, eventually forgotten because gone are the days of writing upon stone. And permanence is as real as perfection.

What I learned this year compared to last is that there is no blue print. I came in search of the method in 2010 but in 2011 I learned that the job descriptions opportunities and quirks of the business reflect that of each unique individual. Do I want the tech geek to wake up and put on business attire to design new apps when she works from home? I'd rather she wore a robe. I'd rather know that she enjoyed herself. Do I want cookie cutter people running after me with prerecorded jargon trying to sell me for their uniqueness? I just want them to BE.

With the convergence of this new knowledge and angle toward positivity I am finding myself strangely satisfied. Not in the sense of giving up but in the empowerment that I've definitely carved my own path and no matter what labels I'm confronted with or ways that people try to divert me. I have a centralized idea of who I am what I represent and how I deliver that message. And guess what? It's valuable.

Taken by Schmutzie of Hannah Braboy and I

I learned that I needed a time to wear dresses because I love to. Most of my time is spent frolicking in mud so when I had the chance to choose glam over my everyday attire, I took it. It's an expression for me. I can't help it. Being a girly girl is not a good enough reason to be shamed.

Taken by Maya Biseneer Of the flashmob after successful completion.

I learned what it was to be on a team. I never played a team sport but I practiced trusted and trained from thousands of miles away with 90+ women and 2 men, to dance a dance. To give life to the words "Thank You" to thrill a crowd with our desire to make EACH.PERSON.SMILE.

And I have not come down from that high because it was a baby for me. A labor of love. A happy accident that I should even be involved let alone lead online. We totally flashmobbed BlissDom. Totally.

By Kat of Sassy Irish Lassie coutner clockwise from top to bottom Linda and I, Sarah and Malia

I can say this without shame. I am a no name blogger. Not lost to the conventions of wanting to do and be more but seeing that my purpose isn't always what I need or want. And yet last year at BlissDom women took my hand, and gave me a seed, one that was unique to them. Some who received seeds like mine cast them off. Others with good intentions dug only to see their hands become smudged and abandoning their attempts. But some of us, we planted our seeds, cultivating friendships past the long hard winter. We watch each unique growing friendship become vibrant. Our community and bond flourishes. And it brought me full circle. What will you do with your seeds?

BlissDom, a foodie in the fast lane

2011-02-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite parts of BlissDom is eating. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be there to learn and all that. But I get really excited about the food, and the lack of dishes, I don't have to do dishes at BlissDom. I think that should be a tshirt.

The problem with being a foodie at such an event is that I have to find a way to:

a) Take pictures of my food quickly

b) Eat it

c) Jog approximately 4 miles back to my room within the biodome of Opryland and burn off all the calories I just inhaled. For chapstick.

d) Wait to eat again because dang thats fun.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

photo by Carissa Rogers

Breakfasts were lovely, they were my only down time. Lisa, Melanie, Jenn and I geared up for the day with a couple of other friends, we were all jazzed by the oatmeal being served that morning. Talking about our routines, because we all ate it often. Being able to have the taste of home when we were away missing our families. Soul food people. You know what I'm talkin' about.

When there were so many things to attend, participate in, and time is flying by, this simple practical decisions was being made for me. I still got to eat really well and I totally appreciated it. Especially because foodies like me tend to have super high cholesterol.

Just ignore that last part.

I loved that quaker was there. I use it all the time home.

Here is one of my fave recipe for meatloaf, it uses oats (gotta love a good meal extender). My mom is a die-hard Ellie Krieger fan and talked this one up till I HAD to try it. Thanks Ma!

I partnered with the sweet folks at BlissDom to tell you about Quaker Oats one of my memorable food experiences at the conference.

SQUIRTY PITS, a mom, a mobber, a chronic lack of shame

2011-01-31T18:37:00.000-08:00

Okay so round these here parts, and at BlissDom rather recently, people hear things about my....ahem...squirty pits. Yeah. It's not really a topic that adds and air of sophistication, but it's a well known problem of mine that stems from anxiety. And to put it lightly there was a lot to be anxious about at BlissDom this year.

So when I took a look in my swag bag and saw a mini deodorant from one of our sponsors I was probably more excited than most people would have been. It was solid white, gold. And I was a little more at ease about preforming in the super secret Flashmob.

I'm the girl with the flaming hair who scoffs at the thought of squirty pits mid performance.

Photo By Jennifer @playgroupie

Being the total information junkie that I am I wanted to learn more about the "Don't fret the sweat" campaign, and I can honestly say I had no idea there would be so many cool resources! About armpits!

Probably my most favorite part of all is an entire page on the site dedicated to parents cautiously dancing around the "you smell and it's time for deodorant" talk. I just say "Don't have SQUIRTY PITS!!!" and for some reason, it sends my boys running, and well, I am concerned that my lack of shame won't really be appreciated by them as they grow older. It's nice to know I have a back plan and the whole mission of the campaign is to help tweens feel more comfortable in their own skin.

I am still in awe of the all the cool ways brands partner with bloggers. This particular campaign hits super close to home and it’s one of my favorites. I think my kids are grateful for any advice I can get too. I'm not sure why, my eloquence in describing squirty pits has always been a forte.

I partnered with the wonderful folks at BlissDom to share my thoughts about "Don't fret the sweat" with you!

A Neck Cowl, for the sake of jewelry...and an overactive photographer

2011-01-22T19:02:00.000-08:00

I decided with it being a couple of days until BlissDom, I would make myself a neck cowl for the moments when it gets chilly at Opryland. But I was concerned that it would cover up the accessories that went with my outfits, so I decided to use a sterling silver piece that I made when I used to do a lot of jewelry casting. It solved my problem. I was wearing jewelry and my warm cowl.

I asked John to take a single picture of me. Ya know, so I could show you.

Just one.

I can't describe how ridiculous he got. Asking me to work the camera, taking pictures from every angle, shooting while I was blinking and talking. Exclaiming "I'm a pro! I'm a pro!"

Y'all the man is starved for attention.

I got mad and glared....he said "Yeah, get mad, rawr." So what did I do, I tried to whine, I thought about crying. I failed to get him to calm the heck down and stay focused. He didn't. He wouldn't. His life is richer for the harassment. If I had known I was going to be on the verge of tears I would have, I would have....

Dang I don't know I just take it as it comes. John is a trouble maker. But so cute.

Here is my cable knit cowl. With my sterling silver toggle. The pattern was from this Etsy shop!

And here is my new model. I got my camera back and took over. I needed to feel in control.

I didn't have to harass her. I didn't even have to talk. She is pure unadulterated muffin.

It nearly killed me. She just wanted to be a good girl.

And show everyone how to wear a neck cowl even if you happen to be extremely furry.

The cuteness hurts my eyes.

So how did I talk John into get one normal picture of me??? That first one was normal looking right???

I mean, since he was being so difficult?

About a dozen of these crazy ones, in succession, before he would chill out and actually work with ME. He isn't allowed anymore. Period.

He totally hijacked my post about crafting. I hope he's happy.

I'm not quite sure where, but it was dark there.

2011-01-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

Bear with me, it's hard to talk about the low lying areas in life, but as always I promise there's a reason and a way out.

Everyone falls into a dark place.

It's how they know the light when they see it.

And mine was full of self doubt, it all came down to judgement and what I deserved.

And I knew it was nothing, and I filled the emptiness with words, however wrong they were, I filled them.

And when I did, I stopped filling this space with anything profound.

I thought I wasn't good enough because I struggled with traffic to my site.

I thought I wasn't good enough because I can't see a way to measure success. I have no idea what I'm shooting for. I've been let down, and remained unpublished.

I was still a teenager trying to prove I was worthy of a child. And that my protection was his only hope. (and yes, I know this was wrong)

I thought for sure I was never going to amount to the wild aspirations in my head.

I thought like a dreamer who lived completely consumed by nightmares.

This is not me. And I knew it, but all I saw was gray. A gray that I hadn't known in many years, this gray comes from falling.

Big risks have the steepest edges.

I laughed at the edges, I knew were there, I leaped over each one and each bound was with purpose. But one day I looked down, and I doubted.

I fell far and deep, I didn't even try to stop, I didn't even want to be caught.

And I watched how quickly every triumph moved past my sight, until finally the connection was lost and I saw nothing.

BUT my triumphs were at the top, they still existed and there would be a legacy if for only those moments.

I didn't know, I couldn't see.

I was at the bottom and fear of who I could have been gripped me. I can't describe that pain, but it was immense, and so every movement after that was cautious and time consuming so I wouldn't disturb my wounds. And I became vicious, we all do when we don't want to be hurting, when we need protection.

It finally surmounts to a tip and you fall forward or back. It's never a smooth ride either way.

How powerful is a mind full of doubt.

I sat there.

For far too long.

And then one day, please forgive me...it all seemed like BS. I finally got tired of it and decide to hurt and maybe even climb if I had to, I could take the pain, though the risk of rejection nearly crippled every effort.

If I ever go there again and you see it will you please link me to my own blog post and tell me it's BS? Because it is and I probably need to know. Okay I'm done playing so close to the edges of profanity but the expression has never been more appropriate than now.

So where have I been? I don't know, but it was dark and I told myself I would die there, lonely, unable to strap on a suitable label and file myself away into the masses of ideological social norms.

But people happened. Mostly John and always God who implemented others on my behalf.

They told me beautiful things. I believed what they saw, because I myself was blind. They sent me words of hope. And one day I opened my arms toward them wanting my willingness to speak for me. I was down so far there was no way they could find me.

And yet I was carried back home.

How could I fall so far and be so close to the surface?

The perspectives we set up for ourselves will ultimately decide our journey.

I didn't lose sight, I stopped looking at the real me. Looking at lies instead, the things that aren't true and don't exist, well, they are truly blinding.

I'm still mending but I feel alive again. I see beauty again. I can choose Joy instead of pain.

Mom? Did you know you were one who saved me?

John? Did you know I just couldn't see and I'm sorry. Your perspective is now my own.

Maria? Did you know I needed you? And you were always there.

Mary? Dawn? Dot? C?Auntie Deb? Auntie Laura? Roxanne? Sasha? Frelle? Alli? Amy? Uncle Mark? Christi? Brenda? Randie? So many...

You saved me. Thank you.

i heart faces pets week

2010-12-13T11:06:00.000-08:00

I was not blessed with baby girls, I do however have a dogter named Claire.

Claire loves snow. Claire loves being outdoors no matter what. I get to cut her hair and dress her (believe me she loves her clothes, I'll take a video of that someday) so yes, she's my dogter. Claire lives to face plant. Yesterday's heavy snowfall was no exception.

Go take a peek at all the other fluffy and sweet pet submissions at i heart faces!

Big Thoughts

2010-12-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

I have big thoughts floating around in my head this morning.

Watching the snow fall, baking biscuits and cooking sausage.

I'm thinking of words like artisan, sacrifice, disappointment, intentions, perceptions, and absolute love.

They are full of odd ends. The pendulum swings wide for me in these areas. Maybe it's because I've seen what I consider to be the extremes of both. Negative and positive.

I've been thinking long and hard on these words. What they mean to me and why I have come to my own opinions about them. They will equal a series of posts that I struggled with turning into writing. The kind that are going to cause real thinking.

But they won't leave us empty, or filled with self doubt. They are meant to uplift and satisfy our need to be accepted and to for once, love without hindrance or self neglect.

I don't know who I will be sharing with anymore. I haven't made myself as available as I used to be in the blogging community. I know that the other mothers and sincere writers are glad to that I take the time to goof off with my family rather than bury my nose in the light of my laptop screen. But I miss the fellowship, so I'm willing to break my own blogger code (a personal preference) to dive deep, reveal some of my battles and my choice to seek the solace that indeed lay ahead.

Let's hope together. And take a journey.

Claire's Perspective

2010-12-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try to be like this again. It never looks perfect, but it always looks like fun.

I'm going to try to be like this again. I'll focus on getting somewhere, but I will enjoy the journey because Claire told me I could. She said "watch what I can doOooOooo." So I did.

And so I will.

I lost it for awhile. The desire to find beauty. I became so involved in the works, the ways I could serve those I care about. I lost sight of me. And of being patient, kind, and living simply. Finding the tiniest inspirations and feeding the simplest desires; the kind that are good for everyone.

But I was shown tenderness. Brokenness, and sympathy. And I came back. Weary, lacking peace but listening to voices of reason, people of reason. And hearts filled with love.

And always I make comparisons. Without great sadness the degree of great love cannot be decided. Or fully appreciated.

So thanks to all of you for your kind words here and everywhere.

2010-11-30T20:06:00.000-08:00

I'm mad right now.

I'm mad at the way consequences hunt me down long after the transgression occurs.

Im mad at words of wisdom for stoking the fire that burns in me causing me to feel shame and guilt for my reactions.

I'm mad because someone always knocks on the door while I’m peeing. Yes, it’s maddening and if its never happened to you then you are better for it without even knowing.

I’m mad because Im ridden with anxiety that sounds funny when I say it makes my armpits burn, but that has turned me into some sort of prisoner. Unable to end the heart pounding discomfort.

I’m mad. This is not who I am. I am full of energy. And of love. But seething. And then seething because I am seething.

I don’t want to be this person. Not in the blog world. Not anywhere. Not ever. But here I am.

Someday this particular moment wont matter.

If blogs are about reality. And if I am being really honest. This is me today. I'm sorry.

Why I sometimes don't blog...Pure madness....

2010-11-21T21:12:00.001-08:00

Beware: Tremendous overuse of "Then I'm like..."

so I have this process in my head for everything that ever happens and it is part of the reason I have been an absent blogger. It sort of goes something like this...

I talk about wanting to do fun crafts or baking. Then I'm like

"OH MY GOSH GINGERBREAD HOUSES"

then I get pumped up and say to everyone around

"OH MY GOSH GINGERBREAD HOUSES"

They don't usually share my enthusiasm and I mention it. "Um DUH this is super exciting!!!"

they say "what is"

I say "your face....ooo burn" and walk away realizing that I need to grow up but growing up is for babies.

in my head: "MY idea is awesome. It's the best idea, I love gingerbread, life is beautiful and perfect."

Then I walk around smiling with wide eyes unblinking dreaming of the candy combinations and colors that each gingerbread house in a tiny town of gingerbread houses will be. THEN I'M LIKE

"OH MY GOSH A GINGERBREAD MANSION"

"WITH SPARKLES"

then I picture myself there, hair and make up done, in a perfectly pressed apron in an amazingly perfectly clean dining room surrounded by kids all happily constructing my gingerbread dreams with me. They all think I'm the best, and I'm like "no YOU are."

So they believe me and continue on in their happy sugar infested activities. Everything is perfect. The edges of the picture in my head are laden with images from Mary Englebreits illustrations, and glitter, and snow. Maybe even hearts. Because whats the point of imagining what something will look like if you can't added a little pizazz to the corners of your minds eye?

So then I'm inspired. And its all happiness and butterflies and love. I love love. I love hearts and smiling. I love Jesus.

And I start singing songs from White Christmas and making plans for gingerbread mini-town-fest-with-a-mansion.

And then it hits me. I'm like

"dang I better clean"

Shoot I need ingredients

the boys are such hoodlums they don't deserve delicious tiny homes constructed with love built into the very core of their foundations.

Then the guilt comes.

I don't want to do it anymore.

I don't want to try and conjure up that miraculous image from my head in real life forever. marring it as each gingerbread house is licked before its time.

I don't want to see asymmetrically designed roofs with improper color rotation techniques: Green green red, white green red, orange yellow white UUUGGGHHHH.

I didn't even get to put the finished houses into an arrangement around the town square. I probably can't make a town square. That town square from "Beauty and the Beast" would be perfect though. But I can't do that.

I'm a failure. Death. Dying. I waste, I die. The sparkles fall from the edges of the glorious image in my minds eye. I already told everyone to come. But I'm not Martha (and if I was I would punch myself) and how can I ever contend with such high bars that I set for myself. The poor kids will be devastated. I won't be a rockstar in an apron.

I freeze up. I hate the world. It stole my dreams. And there are dishes. And they are dirty. And I don't know if I can find an apron like in my head. And why would I bring this on myself. When do I get a break. Who is responsible for this madness. I hate gingerbread. I hate cookies....wait cookies...I want cookies....

fail fail fail. I fail. I'm too tired to blog.

Lather rinse repeat. For every normal sentence you hear me say, there is a grandiose plot thickening quietly in my head.

So if you hear me say "oh aren't those place settings lovely?" just know that in my head, it's never just that simple. I'm already strategizing.

I love the candid messiness of life. But I have visions of perfection. Only for me. And this is why I don't blog sometimes. I want what I say to be perfect and meaningful and I talk myself out of it all together.

But today I chose to remain glitterless from the start. So I can totally post this monstrosity without remorse.

The end. Ok I love you bye.

They are completely different

2010-11-18T17:55:00.000-08:00

But they are both mine. One is passionate the other quirky. One is hands on the other has an invested mind. But they are both boys. Boys that jump on beds. Boys that practice shooting their bows. Boys who help dad. And who love to build.

Boys who find pure joy in irritating their photographer. Who make me proud. And leave me in awe. Who make me want to be better. Just better.

I have real treasures. And they are only mine. Does it mean life isn't hard? Or that I don't struggle to be who I need to be for them? No. But like so many complimentary things, you cannot fully understand the brilliance of one without the contrast of the other.

Blog Conscience

2010-10-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

The Blogger Conscience attacks me almost every night. What was once a nightly ritual for me was also a daily ritual for so many friends and family members who stopped by to see what we were up to each morning, has become a seldom posted, constantly overwhelming need to catch up. And while the blog has not served to show that life moves forward rapidly, it surely does. Beyond the speed that brings me any comfort. And I know so many understand.

Sometimes I felt like I was running the race other times I was chasing down something, what, even I don't exactly know.

I am sure that every writer, the kind that can only really say how they feel on paper run into a moment when they fear they've said it all. Like all that is left to do is repeat what has already been said.

And in fact looking back through posts, there is so much that I have forgotten because there is just sooo much written here. I have tried to devise the best way to work through this weird time. It's not a funk really, I am quite content with life. It's just that I need a new plan to make the blog what I want it to be without overwhelming myself.

Maybe I could schedule posts, but I want to share everything the moment I get excited about it.

Maybe I just need to get excited more often?

No I think that could lead to cardiac arrest.

Maybe it's just that homeschooling is the main deterrent. (teaching a child to read make me five shades of crazy)

Maybe I could write about pictures, that goes over well but takes SO. Much. Time.

Maybe I need to do something silly and make it a once a week deal.

who knows what I really need to do besides make pumpkin cheesecake.

WHO KNOWS? Do you?

But sometimes not knowing is the fun part.

Any ideas for me? I could really use some help, input, guidance. Food.

Favorite Little Corners- Front Porch Edition

2010-10-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

One of my weirder moments in decorating involved me turning a chandelier into a weeping sparkle tree for Halloween. The boys helped me strategically place the decorations (also known as throw everything into a heap on the straw) in just such a way that it neared perfection.

And during the day its just sort of ho hum.

But at night? It gets all Rip Van Twinkle on my front porch.

Eerily illuminated with smiles of tiny jack o lantern lights.

the weeping willow glitter chandelier tree sways in the breeze.

The grapevine pumpkin glows warm and inviting.

TJ likes to hang out, touch everything, rearranging everything, whine about pumpkin carving. Typical 5 year old tortured artist behavior.

It ain't perfect. It's a mess. It's autumn. And it's my front porch with a chandelier tree. What's happenin' on your front porch?

Well Hi

2010-10-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

Lately introspection has gone out the window. I still see the beauty in my life and enjoy watching the kids learn and grow, but other than that I'm speechless. I am staying extremely busy painting my house and doing the projects that never end. Watching the scenery change as we approach the one year mark of living thousands of miles away from home in Tennessee. And I'm still smitten with this place. John has been gone a lot. Bow hunting and work keep him going non-stop. I love his new hobbies, and his gear...he is a man of many uniforms.

The boys are crazy, the other morning I had a clone trooper and a ninja turtle running around playing keep away with Claire the ever fluffy puppy dog. I have redone the bathroom and may even take you on a tour when I'm not cooking teaching and cleaning.

There are a million other updates, recipes to share, favorite little corners to explore. I want so much to be able to share it all. But I know better than to say I will, and I know enough to understand the feasibly I may not be able to right away.

How is Autumn going for you?

Childhood

2010-09-29T19:04:00.000-07:00

I sat reflecting today on childhood. Whether I wanted a redo or not on certain things I was positive I could change. Pondering the moments that I made many drastic decisions that would change my life to this day. Would I ever want to go back and try again?

The answer quite simply was 'No.' There are a million reasons why I relish in childhood now that it is so distant from me, ways that I reflect on my daily adventures and identify with the glee on the faces of my small boys forging memories.

From my vantage point everything is more breathtaking than when it was first beheld.

There is something about the way the light plays around the edges of their sweet heads. Something in the exasperation they feel for the confusion that is 'girls.' The boundless energy that can consume a day but that deadens the moment a chore is due.

Something about seeing the moments from the outside looking in; the big picture, that I would never want to revisit childhood as a child. But to let it operate with me as the spectator, as an adult has got to be one of the best gifts I have received.

Everything I make and do becomes their childhood. Every silly project and baking day. Every break in the schedule for some crazy random activity that just seems wild.

Every time they tell a terrible joke and I laugh, knowing as adults, they will see through my ruse. These are their memories, and it changes my role in them. I want them to see the beauty of it when they grow up.

I want them to feel the tug towards the moments they watch as other little ones experience their first bike ride without training wheels. I want them to not only feel happiness and joy, but to witness it on the faces of others in adulthood.

My goals and aspirations were never these things when I was younger. I had no idea this window to the world existed.

I have a feeling the observation room called "childhood" is here for a purpose.

And as I have always been a willing student, so these precious little ones are eager to teach.

And I feel blessed by them all.

My weird kid and his compulsory uniform changes; Baking in Baseball pants edition

2010-09-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Taurean is always getting ready....whether it be stunts, baking, softball, archery, or other random events, this kids got a style. In this particular picture he is wearing baseball pants along with an apron I made in 6th grade. Some things are better left unsaid, so I usually don't try and talk him out of his ridiculous attire. I think I may actually encourage it though when I decide to take pictures of him.

Fluffy tutus and cute little girls

2010-09-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

Both of those things make me happy, so taking pictures of this sweet girl today rocked my world. I started making tutus to sell and knew exactly where I could find a model! If I could post every picture in my photo stream I totally would. It almost makes me crazy how cute they all are!

I am so tired, I keep hoping life will just slow down. I know it will...long enough for me to get bored and fill it up with craziness again.

I hope you are all having a lovely weekend!

Today....

2010-09-23T19:58:00.001-07:00

a few things I know for sure...

I will always bite off more than I can chew

my husband jumped out of a plane last night and landed in a tree

I am flanked on either side by the most amazing neighbors a girl could ask for

I will never understand my need to make everything by hand or from scratch

weddings give me bad dreams

Brownies give me good ones

when your goals are the same your dreams the path to get there is a lot more enjoyable

it was 90+ degrees today and I consider that rude

the only female in the house that looks good with a mustache is Claire

Johns laughter may very well be worth living for all on its own

my boys get their terrible sense of humor from me

everyday I feel joy

everyday I feel privileged

I found some peace in candlelight

I want the creative side of me to creatively organize, but it won't

what about you?

Whoops

2010-09-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

The weekend went crazy. It attacked me from every angle. I had to juggle being a mom who teaches at home, while watching 5 other sweet boys, hosting the blog Shower for Dandy and a wedding shoot that all culminated during the same few days.

To babysit I have to make a long drive and needless to say all of the excitement has left me so tired, that for days I didn't even think about blogging. I will be back in action soon. I was going to post a picture from the wedding but flickr is mad at me right now.

Until tomorrow!

SPONTANEOUS CLAPPING BABY SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

*****update: The linky is broken somehow, please continue to add your links even if they seem like they don't show up, I will manually do the behind the scenes work to make sure they do.....but feel free to add your shower url to the comment section as well.

In blog land we make some pretty awesome friends. Most of us are separated by great distances but remain connected in the daily happenings that only the internet could offer.

Dandy, of Spontaneous Clapping is one of those amazing friends that I was gifted through this blog. I've learned about her struggle and survival of breast cancer. I have watched her plan a spectacular winter wedding. I've listened to her swoon over her husband and watched their love affair with food sweep them away. I feel like I've known her all my life. She's a blessing and an inspiration.

And now I get to see her belly grow. Knowing that Peanut is so close to coming, and that I'm so far away is one of the confusing things about being technologically connected.

So because I cannot properly attend a baby shower. Because we cannot share our fondness of cake and girlfriends, Sasha of "Lemonade Makin' Mama" and Becky of "FarmGirl Paints" and I have put together a linky for Dandy's fabulous blog friends!!!!!!

Today, Friday the 17th, is Dandy's Surprise blog baby shower!

Hi Dandy *waves maniacally* are you excited? I know I am.

We thought it would be nice to host a link up to give Dawn some love, tell her our parenting secrets and tips, be girly and shop for baby things, and generally love her to pieces because her new little family is just too dang precious.

So Dandy, and shower guests, grab a drink,

sit down,

well better yet Dandy, go pee. THEN sit down.

And we shall proceed....

Im gonna kick off this partay with my gift to Dandy, B (her main squeeeeze) and Peanut.

Being a photographer of sorts, I love the squishy babies, and I especially love them through a lens. It adds permanence to the fact that they don't stay little long. At least I know their mommies will have pictures to remember the teeny babies they brought home. So I made Dandy a Photography Cocoon for her sweet baby boy. I chose not to take a picture of it because...I wanted it to be a surprise when she opened it, and because I didn't have anything to put in the little peanut holder. Having no *little* peanuts of my own. But here is the pattern I used! Without the pea pod vine though, because I have dubbed it "The Peanut Pod." And Henceforth it shall be named.

RAKJpatterns via etsy.com

And just to be sure that when the gift arrives there would be no confusion, I labeled it quite plainly; The package is most definitely to a peanut.

Dawn and B,

Congratulations! Yes it goes by quickly, but don't focus on that. Do the now thing. It works much better. I hope you find a few moments though, to capture your little man in his cocoon. I made it small because the best time to take newborn pics is within the first couple of weeks.

My sons loved to be swaddled and were super content in knit blankets that kept them from startling. Babies pretty much love to be balled up. The cocoon hood can be folded down for a collar. It is very stretchy and the pics tend to look better when it isn't too baggy.

On a personal note, both my boys peed in my hair their first nights home. While some would say I should have learned the first time, I would like to add that I wouldn't have this story to tell a new mom bringing home a boy if it hadn't happened that way. Amen.

I wish you the biggest smiles from your new joy,

the uncontainable urge to sniff a baby head,

the nights of melted babyness in your arms,

The reality that he is yours,

and the pride that comes with parenthood.

Happy Happy Blog Baby Shower Day to the Spontaneous Clapping Family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take a moment to add your links, and click around to see the lovely posts for Dandy's special day!

14 entries so far... you're next!

Click here to enter

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Favorite Little Corners- Autumn Edition

2010-09-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

Trying to pull all my little yard sale/thrift collected finds together has always been my way of decorating. Though I definitely consider my style "French Country," I don't necessarily have the budget to pull it off. Plus part of what my mom calls "eclectic" starts to shine through as I force my nick knacks to go together even when they so often don't.

The other day at hobby lobby I saw a stuffed pumpkin decoration with some really pretty fabrics and lots of glitter. Though I couldn't justify grabbing one for myself I figured I would give it a whirl with some wool fabric that I have been saving aside for just the right project. And while I like what I came up with, I didn't even care enough to make the pattern meet. What I ended up with therefore is somewhat disappointing...but I'm a trial by error kinda gal, screwing things up makes me happy. It means I can try to fix the problem. I like fixing.

So I added some little crystals that were from the castle wedding, along with some silk leaves that were also from said wedding and I sat it on the bookshelf and walked away. I love this little corner. It's all eye candy for me. I love being able to take down the summer whatnot's and work in a totally different color scheme. Sigh.

And of course some of my favorite treasures are right from my backyard!

What are your favorite little corners?

Wonder

2010-09-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

It seems over time that words like wonder, awe, and passion gain callouses. Too many uses, too many variables and all the sudden the receptivity is lost. The meanings themselves cheapened by what our society proclaims is truly their foreground, their operative meaning.

Many more times than that I have excused these terms for something more sturdy like dominance and power. And while power is important in it's own way, it changes hands, it ebbs and flows, power itself has never equalled strength. Not with so many imperfections.

Passion however, who can contend with? To live truly for what we believe, in spite of how we look to others. Wonder, who can really capture it? If you sit and think of the fundamental idea of sheer wonder, it almost stands without meaning. Almost too great to have a sum, yet those who seem able to attain it hold a key component; Youth, and to be more clear, childhood. And awe, before it was slang it meant so much more. When the unthinkable can be thought and the unbelievable proven to the point of belief, there it will be.

These three things have set before me a great adventure. Retrofitting and reworking so many accepted beliefs with the ones that truly still my heart.

These are things I learn while homeschooling. I know that many parents have to work outside of the home to make a living, and that I am blessed to stay home. I realize that many would like to label themselves with a lack of patience. But if you have any chance at all to teach a child, for any amount of time, I pray that you do.

That child will be teaching you dear friends. They are our dearest lessons. Books that are unbound. Hearts that beat out all treasures. For whomever is willing to listen.

This Season

2010-09-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life has a funny way of putting everything into perspective. As I learn more about what interests me, I find myself disengaging in other areas.

So it is with seasons, what made one sound so beautiful during its extreme opposition, rotates back around to a need for change. A new pace, and this year the shedding of old ways, joining with the leaves that have already begun to fly in their glorious patterns from their permanent summer stations.

I can see things fall down around me that I once held to. The beauty of their maturity brings me the promise that this is not the final fall for me. It always comes in turn. With renewed excitement and the willingness to cultivate another year. I will have new ideas to grow in. New beliefs to form.

God set the seasons purposefully, and I in turn welcome the change.

My Christmas Paper Crafts!

2010-09-11T17:53:00.000-07:00

It's meeee. I am heeeerrre.

I totally got knocked out by some yucky virus and I was down for the count.

But I am back. Still kinda feelin ew, but otherwise determined to share some terrible pictures of my paper crafting!

This project isn't quite done. And unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, it doesn't look like it does in real life. The cricut cutter did all the work, cutting out the bag, numbers and other shapes. I liberally applied glitter, but exercised major restraint. I intended originally to have insane glitter boxes behind every number, but saw how that may spiral wildly out of control. For now pins are holding up the paper bags, but I will soon find something....cute to hang them from.

SOoOoOoo what started this whole crazy paper crafting moment? I wanted Christmas decorations for the school room. Ones that I didn't have to go out and buy, and that were simple and two dimensional. And festive, I dig festive. So I grabbed my ball of ribbon that contains a million knotted pieces of vintage love to string out my little snowflake dealies onto.

And I broke the glass out of a shadow box I had layin' around so that I could put my little advent calendar bags in it.

And then I was happy. I hung it in my hall for a few days because it made me smile. The boys are pretty excited to see what will inhabit those tiny bags during the countdown to Christmas, but now I will make a quick exit before anyone decides I said the "C" word too many times and starts hurtling digital rotten tomatoes at me.

What Christmas projects do you want to work on this year?

fuzz and babies

2010-09-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

I was pretty darn sure today would be the day I posted about the papercrafts I've been working on. However, I can't seem to take very good photos of them. SoOoOo, I decided I would just throw some preciousness up an the screen and wait till tomorrow.

This sweet puppy is checking on her boy because the lady with the camera is not to be trusted. I dunno, maybe I smelled weird, or my camera noises freaked her out. I thought she was pretty lovely myself though.

And you all remember Jim right? Well right here he is getting schooled on how to smile. Smile Jim smile she pleaded. And Jim smiled. Even if it was just on the inside.

I hope it made you smile too.

Papercrafts tomorrow! And some recipes!!

Monkey Business?

2010-09-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

Another cake topper! This little monkey fried my brain today, as all fondant creations do, so all I have is pictures...and no wit to share with you. This is for a sweet boy on his second birthday.

The little guy would almost have you believe he is purely sweet. Which technically he is, since he's made of sugar.

But I have evidence to prove that sometimes good monkeys go bad...sometimes they go....bananas.

Wahahaha. Get it? Bananas?

I crack myself up.

And guess what else? I got lots of positive feedback on my Christmas papercrafts! I will be posting those hopefully tomorrow!

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you had a fabulous holiday weekend.

Portraits

2010-09-04T19:20:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I will be taking portraits. I am so darn excited. Grab your cameras! Find someone willing to let you take their picture. Put your camera on manual and experiment! If you can't find a willing subject the outdoors will astound you into a contorted mess like I am in this picture. Let me know how it goes.

Cinnamon rolls and the "C" word

2010-09-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, I'm not quite sure I should admit this...

But I have been paper crafting.

For Christmas.

*wince* I know, I know, I shouldn't even bring it up in September. But I got the itch.

And I have a cricut cutter.

And it equals excitement.

We also built the boys desks today. So now I have an after hours hobby desk. (muahahaha)

Pictures to follow. But I'm trying to break it to you slowly. One holiday mention at a time.

I also started baking a bit early this year too. My friend Christy and I got together and baked our hearts out.....and Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls are the culprit behind my seasonal daydreams. It's their fault because they smell like winter to me. And I like to blame people. Just call me a blamer. But don't forget to add these to your holiday list. The are just happiness rolled with butter sugar and cinnamon.

Depending on how many harassing comments I get, I may or may not post my latest creations.

Have a happy holiday weekend!

NOM

Fishin Kid

2010-09-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

This is one of those pictures that I absolutely adore. It completely captures my weird kid. Fishing is a big deal around here. It literally happens as much as possible, I have a laundry pile to prove it.

I can't help but wonder what he is thinking in this picture. Is he posing, or is that really elation? Did he want to wave like that? Did he learn it from me and I just never realized I looked like that when I got excited?

One thing is for sure, I always get a laugh from this guy.

September with John

2010-08-31T21:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah I just did that. I totally posted a squishy picture of John and I. It's not that I want to gross you out or anything but....

I just love him.

I know totally awkward. I run the show round here even if no one is watching...So I figure why not right?

John has a lot of patience with me. He knows what to expect...which means I never do anything he expects me to, and he almost never looks shocked.

This September is crazy busy. So I just wanted to warn you and thank him ahead of time for putting up with me. I'm seriously going to have to start planning ahead for once.

Any great organizational tips? What do you guys do to stay on top of the madness?

Projects and cravings...

2010-08-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight all I can think about is chocolate peanut butter pie.

I don't why.

And I can rhyme.

Really though I have a million projects running through my head...

Like this chair for instance. I used to call it the grandpa chair.

It was six whole dollars at goodwill...

I have been working on it for centuries this year. Centuries. But it's still not done.

And there is painting to be done. Kitchen floors to be tiled. A school room that could really use some organization. It really never ends does it?

Maybe if I would just purchase things that I didn't have to fix my life would be easier. But then I would totally wig out, I'm sure of it. And if I didn't work so hard, I couldn't justify pie. There I go with the rhyming again.

So? Got any projects going on?

Thinking about dessert?

Yeah, me too.

;)

Homeschool all up in my head...

2010-08-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

Hooligans will be hooligans, and this year, both of mine are school age. I would like to repeat that for you; I have two boys that are 5 and 8. It means my babies aren't my babies. Two school age boys. Two.

Two.

I can count.

It's important. Because occasionally I realize I am their teacher. Like you know, five days a week. I just wake up and I'm like "oh yeah, I'm still teachin." And I love it.

I love having an outlet for my creativity. I love being with my kids and believing in them. I love dreaming with them, and telling them stories about when I was their age and what I did to pass time. I love learning with them. I love that my overly excited personality gets them giddy like the freak of nature science teacher I had in high school. I would do any assignment he asked. Mr. Curtis wanted me to dissect a frog? Heck yeah! Pull apart an owl pellet (owl puke)? I could pull apart two! Visit an oldgrowth forest? I would lead the charge!

Yeah. You shoulda seen me in Home Ec.

The excitement of fall, and discovering, forging another year bent on doing things we can be proud of. It's just taking over my mind. This year, I will make sure to share some glimpses into our lives as homeschoolers.

What are you looking forward to this fall?

Here's my list

Pencil shavings

new chapter books

journaling

cold weather

drippy rain

fog

the creek

muddy puppy dog paws

warm breakfasts

baking with the little dudes

pumpkins

spicy scented candles

soups

coffee with mittened fingers

Falling leaves

fiery fall colors

scarves

pink cheeks

cocoa

apple cider

layers

pie

books

fire

Ms Claire in her sweater

Now it's your turn.

I love Babies

2010-08-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, because I am ridiculous, I totally forgot to blog. Totally. Forgot.

Today? Sigh, I just got done rocking a baby to sleep. It was the best thing ever. I haven't lost the touch.

I only want like five more. That's off the record. Mmmkay?

And this sweet boy? I can't wait to take pictures of him again.

Babies make me so crazy.

Summer Moments- Softball Games, Military style

2010-08-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

Probably one of the best things about summer is hangin out watching the sunset while some crazy guys play ball. After long days of withering heat, the soldiers who turn out for the tournaments are keen on smashing the days oppression into the outfield.

Of course I have my biases. One my favorite things to EVER do is watch John. I might be bragging but it's okay...this guy rocks at softball.

And with this little cheerleader standing by it seems I'm not the only one who watches in awe at the distance the ball flies.

Watching a military ball game has a totally different sound and feel than civilian sports. The roar of the crowd is different. The diversity of the players spans the globe. The unity of the players comes out of a fight. To win together. To love their families and smile for simple pleasures that others take for granted.

And when they aren't winning, they realize that in other circumstances, the loss wouldn't be an option. So even then they smile.

These guys though...they won the tournament. And I'm proud.

Fourwheelin' fondant and a mountain of strawberries?

2010-08-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

With tread like that, who wouldn't drive themselves up a chocolate covered strawberry mountain?

Another crazy fondant episode took place for Taurean's birthday. This time the request was a purple four wheeler. I really can't explain how disappointing it was to hear what he wanted me to make. There is something about the sculpting boyish matter that makes me wince.

But for this face, I would do it all over again...

The ganache was fantastic, the cake itself was equally wonderful. And a boy turned five.

The end.

(and then he ate a wheel)....

*recipes to follow!

Meet Jim

2010-08-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

Jim knows what it is to be adored.

Jim is about the sweetest kitten ever.

I have about 60 pictures dedicated to Jim and this sweet girl. Every one of them seems like it may break my heart. And apparently I'm a glutton for punishment because I just.keep.looking. at them all.

Pictures, Portraits, Passion

2010-08-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

Some times I forget my passion for a great capture. After being jaded by a few electronic mishaps its been easier for me to walk the fine line between taking enough pictures to control my panicky need and getting rusty with my own equipment. NOT an option really, but somehow I took the easy way out without noticing.

But then I took these...

One day last week...

And I realized that I used to do a lot more than cook and clean. So guess what? I'm going to post every day again. Because this blog has always helped me to thank God for my many blessings. It's always been a reason to count them. This blog was born out of who I really am. It was created as an outlet for tutorials to show my friends what I'm up to and how to do it themselves, and just to tell my stories. The fine line between blogging and forgetting about it completely has steadily moved over, to nearly non existent. The connection with those who correspond hangs by tiny strands. But I've always been a fixer, so I'll get right on that.

Happy Monday dear friends. More squishy baby pics to come. See you tomorrow ;)

Can you can? Sure you can!

2010-08-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

I can can too...

There is some type of mysterious force that keeps most people from taking the plunge into the world of canning. Maybe it has to do with father time. Because suddenly, you tell him his rules don't count and that your tomato harvest is going to last you into the winter months. Or maybe it's because the general knowledge of hard work sends most people racing away to their nearest super market for comfort and protection. Whatever the reason, I am here to tell you it's not likely you'll fail, it's not a race against the clock. It's a system. It won't even take much practice and the reward will be just as satisfying for a novice as it will be for a pro.

There is no better place to defy the expiration date than in the safety of your own home. Amen.

It all starts with supplies- Jars, ingredients, and a canning bath...a big ol' pot.

Heat them jars up at 250º in your oven. I used to put them in the dishwasher on heated dry and take them out super hot from there...I had issues with timing it all...I also used to fill my sink up with super hot water and put the jars in there. But then they were wet and slippery and hard to grab.

So clean them well and put them in the oven. They'll behave.

I had maters...so I needed to peel them...

After cutting off the bad spots I threw them in boiling water for 30 seconds.

Then straight into an ice bath. (I worked in batches of 15)

The peels will come right off.

I take the seeds out over a strainer. I manhandle my peeled tomatoes, cutting the tops of and scooping the seeds out with my fingers. I'm not a lady de-seeder.

Why over a strainer you say??? Well because I like to can my diced tomatoes in their own juice, most of which gets squeezed out during the seeding process. This way I reserve the juice and throw out the seeds.

Alright, here is a fairly terrible picture of my tomato sans seeds. I have no natural light in my kitchen but was compelled to display the ease of canning to my peeps. Yes you there...you are my peep.

Dice em' up, throw em' in the pot. Let em simmer to reduce them down and boil out some of the water content. I wait till the foam almost disappears.

Put on an oven mitt, grab a jar. You'll need two tablespoons of Lemon Juice in each quart-sized jar.

You can also add salt if you like, or a multitude of spices really. I like fresh herbs in what I cook because I'm a snob so I just keep it simple. I don't add salt because I don't. But you can. Can. (heh)

Okay just throw in the juice.

Using a canning funnel add the tomatoes.

Poke it all around to remove air bubbles.

Check the headspace (the distance from the top of the jar rim to the liquid in the jar). Headspace for diced tomatoes is 1/2"

Notice how few instructions I'm actually giving you? It's because YOU CAN CAN!

Now wipe the gunk off the rim till it is dry and completely clean. Be careful everything is hot.

*Note: the last two steps is where I used to FREAK OUT..."oh my gosh what if I didn't wipe it well enough, what if it's getting too cool and doesn't seal" all for nothing. It always works for me. So don't FREAK OUT...I hate when cookbooks say work quickly, it gives me some maniacal form of anxiety. Just get the job done. Okay? Okay.

Now that the rim is clean, put on the lid.

Now screw on the rim to 'fingertip tight' not 'full on palm squeeze tight.'

Put them into your already boiling canning bath water. There needs to be at least 1" of water above the lids.

Tomatoes take 45 minutes to process. But not all things take that long to can. Set a timer put the top on. Let it boil. Just walk away.

When the time is up, take off the lid and shut off the heat, let the jars sit in the bath for five minutes.

Then take them out one by one and they will begin popping as the lids seal. Essentially you are creating a vacuum when the heat of the jar reacts to the cool air around it. Forcing out air until the lid inverts.

And oh my gosh you are done. Now you can can. There is no Can't in Can. MMMMKAY????

Start small and get the kids involved!!! Nothing like the process of processing. Eh?

Or the redundancy of homophones for that matter.

Questions?? Just let me know. I can help!

Have a great day...if you CAN *wink wink*

I crack myself up.

A summertime list

2010-08-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Lately posting has taken a back seat to living in the moment. And moving across the country this year reassured me that while I'm away, the blog goes on. There are so many unique, fun, and helpful writers out there pressing the "publish" button that I have found a bit of ease in this summer's lack of posting.

When I first started, I blogged everyday. I thought that if I had my act together and posted some great work, that someone may eventually want me to write for their site. I have always wanted to write, and have aspired to while remaining faithful to my ideologies in the process. And there initially was my "hang up." Besides the way my happy little blog conveys simple living with love and my faith, I tend to have a very structured and complicated set of beliefs, ones that don't seem glamorous to mainstream society. And so here I sit, humored, but inconsistent. Most of what I do is irrelevant to the times, but I love it anyway.

What I am trying to say is having a passion for learning and doing things they way I do doesn't pay the bills. And writing about what I do, doesn't either. But maybe it can help someone. Maybe, like me, someone is searching for answers. For details on real life scenarios. How to's for homeschool parents, or scratch made food, tutorials for us mommies who can't wrap our minds around technical jargon. I'm positive that we all serve a purpose, but we need to believe we have one.

So if you wanna hire me, I'll keep writing. It won't cost you a thing but maybe a smile or two. It may be more sporadic, it will certainly continue the silly factor, but all in all it's just simple unmarketable me. Other goals will get in the way of posting, but I take the pics for you to see what I'm up to when I have spare time.

And with that here are a few things that have taken up my time lately:

Homeschooling- this year I will be teaching not one but two boys

Canning- the gardens harvest coupled with some major produce sales have sent me to the moon with happiness...currently the smell of peaches is wafting through the living room.

(in cans- Chocolate Cherry Black forest preserves, peach salsa, spicy pickled green beans)

Gardening- while garden can be pretty, some can even taste good too

Organizing- it's a weird form of nesting brought on by my marmish school days

Smiling- It's probably one of the most difficult things I make myself do. Thank goodness I have a overly adorable husband and two kids to make me laugh when I want to cry.

Photography- there's a wedding coming up ...and I can't wait for fall...and my creek

Dinner- John eats a lot. The end

Vinegar- Im making it from scratch because it's how I roll

Laundry detergent- Another made from scratch item that I have introduced into our frugal living lifestyle (recipe here)

Couponing- it makes me tired, but I consider it part of my J.O.B

DIY projects- they never end, it's a downward spiral.

Planning next years garden- UGH

Reading- I have reinvented reading for myself, currently two books for insightful reading and 3 books, that are, well, cookbooks. Yes I read them from front to back.

The much despised laundry pile. Need I say more?

Then there is Claire's list. It looks pathetic because it is.

And Sam's list. Which seems to contain large doses of wisdom.

Thanks for stopping by to find out what we've been up to!

grilled pizza day- a recipe and an update

2010-07-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Now that everyone is gone the adjustment period has been long and interesting. Isaiah even left for a bit to hang with his daddy in Washington. I have had quite a task keeping TJ busy without his big bro. Mary has given me some days off with NO KIDS, and I always end up staring at the walls wondering what on earth to do with my freedom. I've always been invested with making memories...so I made sure to take pics of what I thought would be fun to share on here, but mostly I joined in the summer fun, flaked out, and really lived in the moments. No regrets. But now its time to write again.

While my family was out to visit we had a grilled pizza day. We baked scratch made pizza dough, and any of the toppings that tickled our fancy were liberally piled on top of it- by my niece Emma who is apparently very detail oriented. She strategically placed pepperoni and various cheeses like she'd been doing it for years. But she's not quite 4 so I'm thinkin' she is a pizza prodigy. And now I miss her.

Anywho we ended up with a margherita pizza and added artichoke hearts to it. The boys had the meaty pizza with sausage and pepperoni. There was plain cheese for the weirdivores (namely TJ) and my personal fave- grilled eggplant with marinated mushrooms.

This kind of beautiful crust with all its....crustiness, takes awhile to make. YOU GOTTA WANT IT. But really who doesn't? I mean, look at the lines! Let's eat em.

I pre-bake my crusts, add the toppings and throw them on the grill. Now that I have made you hungry here is my recipe for my pizza dough. You can thank me later.

Stay tuned for the canning adventure and a menu of faves from my "company's coming" dinner plan!

Voodoo Donuts...reposted

2010-07-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

Today a friend of mine got mail order donuts upon her doorstep...they were from a much coveted source that I can only describe as truly fantastical. Voodoo Donuts my friends. I've written about them before, and decided the eye candy such as this deserved a revisiting...its from October of 2009...like eons ago in blog years....

Oh yes, we have indeed hit the open road. This week will be full of food and fun adventures as we drive from Washington state to Fort Campbell Kentucky (though we will most likely be residing in Clarksville Tennessee, on the border of the army post).

We are currently sitting in a hotel in South Eastern Oregon. Oregon is beautiful, and strange and lovely and it has something that no one else in the whole world has....

Voodoo Donuts.

After contemplating this trip and John and I's obsession with food and more importantly food network shows like "diners, drive ins and dives" and "Man vs. Food," we decided that there was no better way to discover the states than with our ability to....eat. I think we began with a pretty big bang....I can tell you right now that I will never think of donuts the same again. Just look at these disturbingly wonderful creations and the place they are created....

it happens to be pink...even the parking lines are pink...

They have weddings here, you just plan your big day and celebrate with donuts. Outside there are school desks and removable van seats, as well as old hospital chairs to sit in. Leave it up to the PacNorthwest to re-purpose without shame.

There are t-shirts advertised on the ceilings

And coffins to sit upon while enjoying your donut fantasy

And of course where you find coffins, you always find pink ceilings and chandeliers...duh

But then, we get to the important stuff...like what weird cereal or fruit flavored powder might adorn your choice of donut...maybe you have really been craving a bubblegum donut, or one with an alien coming out of it's belly (?)

Maybe you really love a good old fashioned cake donut glazed...or maybe the maple bacon bar that you have been dreaming of was unavailable that day :( (true story)

We chose fancy stuff we couldn't get anywhere else....(notice the massacred bubble gum donut...4 year olds have no concern for photographic opportunities)

Isaiah really wanted the MnM chocolate cake donut, it looked heavenly but he had the edible principles down pat and inhaled the whole thing without a single twinge of guilt...I didn't even get a picture!

T.J. chose the bubble gum donut...weirdo...I think he would put bubblegum on pizza.

John and I shared the ones we were interested in...The voodoo doll, the one covered with oreo's and peanut butter, another one with chocolate frosting rice krispies and peanut butter, and the big purple monster donut that confused me...

The voodoo doll was chocolate with raspberry filling...I died....so did he....(not John the donut)...he never stood a chance really...

The purple one is an apple fritter dipped in marshmallow frosting with fruit loops and grape flavored powder....its insane!!! I thought it might be kinda...uh...gross....but I love it forever...it was so good and confusing and wonderful...and sweet and sour and grapey...

This was an amazing donut, it's called no name, because it was so good they couldn't think of a name...

other donut names:

Tex-ass (whoops, sorry) IT'S HUGE...think 8" pie...

Dirty snowball

ODB (old dirty bastard)

Maple Bacon Bar

The donuts themselves have a really soft chewy texture, they stay soft all day long. They also make me wonder why other donut makers ARE LIARS!!!!! They lie so dang hard it's just rude. They sell you a "donut" but really, it's not, it's a breadnut. Therefore a lie. This place sells dough-nuts...for real.

It has a very high approval rating from our group of travelers.

More on our travels tomorrow with some pictures of the land that is passing by our windows. Today we were behind schedule and didn't have lots of time for the exciting landscape. Oregon has A LOT to offer where terrain is involved...I love this state. Off to Idaho tomorrow...which looks a lot like a very large potato that people live upon...hmmm.....maybe I will just share more food pictures.

Peek a Boo

2010-07-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

TJ laughed hysterically from behind the armoire, apparently he was tickled to death by his new look. But he was also really shy. It took quite a bit of coaxing for him to stand there and let me take this pic. Silly boy.

I am back. I don't know what that means. I am confused. Like the boy in this picture who prances around in a 5 piece tux in the middle of summer. I want to blog and be brilliant, that much I'm sure of. I want to do things I said I would do long ago. I feel refreshed. And somehow withered. Maybe it's the heat. So here I am, working on my warm up routine. Stretchin and getting back into the swing of things. With the pervasive fear that I may be talking to myself. But also with the realization that I have always done that.

There has been canning

there has been apple pie baking

there have been bundles of crops delivered to my door step from my sweet neighbors

there have been at times 20 feet skipping, stomping, running, jigging, jiving, and even a few failed attempts at moon walks.

There have been food adventures. They took all my focus.

And even a girly moment at the mall.

There have been many fish.

There have been many family members. And lots of catching up.

It's all over now.

So I started a new list. With to-do's. Because, I mean really, what else would you expect?

How is your summer goin' sweet friends? Let's catch up!

Still Here!

2010-07-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

Livin in the moment...surrounded by tiny feet, smiling faces, and fanatical food prepping. Still canning...wishing there were more time in the day. Loving every moment with our house guests. Knowing when to let go and be part of the moment. Can't wait to share it all!

crazy days of canning!

2010-07-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

All of the sudden my kitchen has become a canning factory. A crazy cantastic event. Just in time to ruin all of the house cleaning I've gotten done for my guests that are flyin' in. Tomorrow I will make sure to give you a glimpse into my fun semi ridiculous never ending food love. Until then....must cry over laundry and set the dust bunnies free in the back yard.

Oh and I have a whole menu plan that must be known. Oh yeah baby.

Lizzie

2010-06-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

Update: Lizzie is actually John's sister. I skip the "in law" part because I can.

When Lizzie and I get together, I have a baking friend. Technically she is my sister which is a major bonus, since I have an abundance of man both large and small in my home. When we get together there are children hanging from rafters, poking out of refrigerators, squealing, screaming and shrieking with delight. Or possibly tip toeing with eeeeeevilllll. When Lizzie and I are together we hang out in the kitchen. We talk food. It's our love language. We have been hanging out in kitchens together since I was 3, when she was my hero, even though she was bossy. Gosh was she ever bossy. Sometimes I would cry at night. Oh who am I kidding I was three, I didn't care, I was probably distracted by Speedy Gonzalez or my moms earrings. When Lizzie and I are together, John and Zac are too, so we hear more than we ever wanted to know about fishing, shopping for lures, and, well, fish. And fishing. When Lizzie comes she will dribble coffee down the front of her shirt and look around confused even though it has happened everyday since the history of drinking coffee...unless she is pregnant. Then she dribbles other beverages. And I will ask her why she looks confused because it happens every time. When Lizzie comes everyone who meets her will instantly think my valley girl accent is far less noticeable than hers. It's like, oh my gosh, soooo, like bad. And I can't wait.

My cute mini fondant cake story

2010-06-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

When I say mini cake, I mean like the size of a cupcake. You may remember my teensy weensy cake pans from this post, where the packaging read "The best excellent food is homemade cakes in the after."

Anyhow they are star shaped...they speak to the eternal girly girl in me. The one who is oppressed by my boy saturated household.

I started out with some fondant I had previously made. Though I've never read that you should add water to it to soften it...it worked really well. They always say to use crisco...but water totally rocked.

I then rolled out and covered the two layers of cake. I wanted a cute, even fancy Mary Engelbreit look. I cut out the lacy looking parts with a straw. Straws are great for working with fondant.

I didn't have to add cherries on top. But oh how I wanted to. I also gave up trying to make the cute little dots the same size. The perfectionist in me has been caged for quite some time now, with only a few residual effects.

Seriously can you handle it? The cuteness? I can't.

I also have a leaf shape cutter, which I used for the top.

So why was I making 1 mini cake??

For BreBre on her 12th birthday. Because she is always sweet and lovely beautiful...and now she is full of sugar too. I have the best neighbors in the world.

And then she promptly ate her cherries on top.

A mini cake

2010-06-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

This is what I did today....

It's about 4" across. I had major fun. I'll explain in detail tomorrow =D

ps...John is home, YAY!

Mediterranean Shrimp and Arugula Pasta

2010-06-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

Major nom.

Let me give you a back story about this recipe. I love to cook so I made it. I love to eat. So I ate it. And there was love. Then John tried it and loved it too...so then he loved me. So then I was like, YEAH! He loves me! And then I wanted you to have the same wonderful experience. Except without John. He's mine. I share recipes. That's as far as I'll go.

See aren't you glad you heard that story? It's moving. A very personal account no? NO?

okay moving on...

It's hot. So I do simple. Here is a simple shrimp pasta recipe that has bright punches of flavor without thick, time consuming sauces. It's beautiful in presentation and guess what? It tastes good too. Now, some of you know I like simple clean flavors, I don't love salt, I don't drown my life and children in butter (though if it were healthier I might eat it by itself) so basically we are talking healthy yet tasty here. I think there is a fine balance and if you really love a Greek salad your going to love this. The kalamata's and feta make it don't skip em'!!

Here, in the ingredient layout, we have garlic, arugula, diced kalamata's, feta, tomato and diced shallots. Super pretty.

and then we have our shrimp, reduced sodium chicken broth (or dry white wine), crushed red pepper, and olive oil, the only ingredient you don't see is the angel hair pasta.

Here's the recipe! Serves about 6

1 pound fresh or frozen peeled and deveined shrimp, tails removed

12 ounces dried whole wheat angel hair pasta or spaghetti

1/4 cup chopped shallot

1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper

1 clove garlic (doubled this)

1 teaspoon olive oil

1/2 cup reduced sodium chicken broth

1/4 cup dry white wine (or chicken broth)

2 1/2 cups torn arugula

1 1/2 cups chopped tomato

1/4 cup pitted kalamata olives, chopped

1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese

So you start by thawing the shrimp, peeling and patting it dry.

Then cook your pasta. Keep warm and set aside.

Meanwhile, in a large skillet cook shallot, red pepper, and garlic in hot oil for 3 to 4 minutes or until shallot is tender.

Carefully add broth and wine to skillet bring to boiling add shrimp reduce heat, Simmer uncovered for 3 to 4 minutes or until shrimp are opaque.

Stir shrimp mixture, arugula, and tomato into pasta. Heat through transfer to a serving dish, top with olives and feta cheese. (I just tossed it around wit the feta and olives already in it)

And your done. Go forth and spread food love.

Le Hot

2010-06-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's like crazy hot out here. And though I understand seasonal depression shouldn't affect me during the summer, there is nothing more oppressive than heat like this. So I want to cry now. Is that okay?

No? I have to be an adult?

Okay fine. Wait adults cry too.

So about this picture. I love it so I wanted to share it with you. Something about the way the light glows through the worn leaf, well past the season it represents. Tennessee is beautiful all the time. But I miss the creek. There are hidden dangers lurking everywhere lately. Lots of poisonous spiders and snakes, need I even mention the ticks? Just enough fear to keep me from taking the short jaunt into the land beyond my deck. The jungle in my backyard is a serious mood killer. I stare at it longingly. Sometimes talking myself into a quick peek through the dense undergrowth. But I usually get no farther than the watermelon vines, who grow a foot a day because of the ridiculous heat. They rub it in as they prosper. But I'll show them...when I eat them. Heh.

How is your summer going so far?

One year of chronic blogging. Check.

2010-06-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

Just a minute ago I was outside. Staring up at the clear starry sky. Twirling. Because I was bored and Claire likes to pee in multiple locations. And it hit me. Father's Day is my blogoversary. It's been a year, but in the blog realm, it's been a lot longer. They work like dog years somehow.

Here we are a year ago in Washington.

I started this blog to actually write. And mostly, I don't. What I never intended was to take pictures. And I do. I knew I would write about food. And I have. But mostly I just eat before I take photos of it all. I thought I would do project and entertaining tutorials...but I didn't know I hated writing them. Now I do though. Hate them. Loathe, detest, abhor. Okay anyway...I made a million blog promises. I discovered my memory is terrible. I have about 20 posts in my head at any given moment that number might spike or drop severely. I spent an insane amount of time watching SiteMeter hoping people liked me enough to visit me everyday. Eventually never checking it because in the end I had very little control over it. I made some great, true friends, with beautiful thoughts and lovely families, amazing stories. I kept in touch with old friends, with my family. Those who believed I was worth their moments. Worth sharing their lives with.

I learned to count my blessings.

That our experiences make us unique.

That anyone can tell a story if they have heard it once. But knowing how to be a part of an adventure is choosing to write it into existence.

I have moved across the country. Left behind sweet babies. Done a million home improvement projects. Attended a blog conference.

I blogged about it all-

Snowflakes and forts

Songs of my faves

Sugar cookie love shack renditions

The epic journey (slight exaggeration) of how John and I came to be

Chronologies of weirdness

Face plants

A trip across the US

multiple electronic issues

Good days and bad days

Finding peace and living in chaos

Military life

FOOOOOOD (pshaw, you thought I forgot didn't you?)

Photos

undie cocoons

Cakes

tile

camping

It really doesn't end, as a matter of fact there are 299 posts. This here will be number 300. Yipes. Thanks for making this so much fun. Thanks for all the support and comments and the time we have spent together virtually and beyond. It's been one wild ride.

To John

2010-06-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

If you were here I would make you whatever you wanted to eat.

If I were a little girl I would want a dad like you.

If I were to speak for the boys I would say they are proud and inspired to learn from you.

If I could have five more of your children...I totally would. Just to watch you hold them and teach them.

Happy Father's Day sugar lumpkins honey squishbunches. (heh)

I miss you.

Crazy long day!

2010-06-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

Some days just seem like they never end. This morning seems so far away!

Probably one of my favorite things about summer is all the laughter that takes place in our little neighborhood. The kids regularly have water fights, and since the sun hasn't let up for days it seems to be the only way we can stay cool!

Today was a perfect summer day for so many reasons.

I took a mini adventure into the land of homemade laundry detergent. It was simple, very rewarding, and smelled good too.

My John called (I missed his voice) and together we gushed about our love for our niece and nephews who are coming to visit. John has a very special place in his niece's heart.

I picked a super huge jalapeno from my garden. The first of the year.

I was drenched by a crazy storm.

I got dry. Then I was hugged by no less than four sweet giggly girls soaked from head to toe. They are all lovely. And then I was wet again.

It's all finally died down. The fireflies are doing their dance.

Simple. Beautiful. Unplanned. Mine.

WAH!

2010-06-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Oh no! How did this happen? I was supposed to post...something...anything...and I was drifting to sleep, watching the lightning bugs sparkle...

and it occured to me:

wait for it....

I haven't posted!

Now I know what you're thinking. Okay maybe I don't but here's what I think you're thinking.

So what Jana, it's not like you ever kept up with your "post every day" mentality. Nor do you really pay attention to your own deadlines (made to be broken if you ask me) so why does it matter now anyway?

To which I answer you with this:

I have no idea, but it woke me up and I couldn't sleep. So what do you think? Does this count? Is it like, post worthy? Because if so maybe I can go back to bed. Without the guilt.

Oh you want a picture? I can't blame you, what's a post without a picture.

There. What?

He's got dimples....he acts uninterested (it's all in his mystique). But I'm not easily ignored.

He's far away, but if he weren't he would have told me to sit and think and about what to post and make sure it actually had content. He would have thrown out some suggestions that included his latest baseball game or something about his chainsaw.

(BTW John, I swear when I wrote mystique, I could hear you say "mesquite, idn't that there that durn bar bee cue grillin stuff you use on dem dere steaks" you totally know you would say it)

This totally counts right? It's the best I could do. Don't disown me. I'm fragile. I haven't had gummy bears for weeks. Sigh.

Fireflies, lightening bugs, basically just a lot of fun

2010-06-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

No matter what you call em' TJ and Isaiah have made a duskly (yes duskly as opposed to nightly) ritual of catching these little guys. Tonight Taurean in his finery, a pair of tux pants and a tux vest...ran around and laughed hysterically as he chased them all over the yard.

There is something about them that screams southern summer romance. It reminds me of when I was four and "Robin Hood" was my favorite cartoon movie. I can still sing every song from it word for word. Anyway there was one part where little lights were flying around Maid Marian and Robin Hoods heads at dusk. And now I get to watch them every night along with my wild and crazy boys who thoroughly enjoy the newness of summer in Tennessee.

Thinking about John

2010-06-11T21:16:00.001-07:00

I have had the rare fortune over the past six years to live with someone who defines so much of my heart and who I am. I have had the increasing awareness that our story is different and our life together is unique. And I wonder at how it came to be.

For all that seemed eternally lost in the world I never discounted love. And today I have John.

We dream together. We laugh hard and play like kids. We live so close to the brink of insanity that we have had to pull each other back before we both fall in. And then we laugh some more because it's easier than living in fear.

We don't let simple words go unnoticed. We can do more with the time we've been given because we have had many moments taken away. The ability to think like we did before deployments? It never returns. Countless hundreds of days make it's memory impenetrable. The time is gone forever.

We live life in the reality that tomorrow may not even exist. It's the tragedy of war and the unbridled joy of a moment being written into forever.

Necessity becomes poetic. Heartbreak in absence can be quantified to love.

I think of the things that have set us apart. About our journey as teenage newlyweds and through the knowledge of how fragile life really is. About the broken and angry people who accept the job to take the lives men and women. And John. My John. Who I live for, and who I would die for. They are willing to take him too.

I have learned to love someone everyday, is a gift. Like every moment is the last. This is the true reality. Making it count means the experience wasn't wasted.

So today I miss him. But I am thankful he is safe. I am grateful for my experiences, they certainly overwhelm my years on this earth.

Momthropology

2010-06-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

As a momthropologist there always something new to learn and observe about my hooligans. Like this morning when TJ put a spoon in my hand and closed my fingers around it and said "There, now you can make me waffles."

Or Isaiah, who kept saying "pork chops" instead of "chop sticks" while we were at a Chinese restaurant, it became a habit and spiraled wildly out of control. When Grandma Mary came over today for a sleepover and brought pork chops, Isaiah said:

"Did she bring chopsticks?.....Gotcha."

Kid thinks he's funny. But really, I was questioning my ability to homeschool for a second there.

Happy Friday everyone!

:) Hillbilly kite flyin'

2010-06-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Somewhere over the rainbow

Kites will fly...

Kites fly over the rainbow

As boys, they go running by.

Somewhere over the rainbow hands are blue.

And the

dreams that we dare to dream

really do come true.

A down day

2010-06-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find myself in the middle of information overload. And if it's from someone, well then it's considered advice. Equally as burdensome. Lately the internal noise is getting to me, what do I choose to act upon? What do I cast aside? When can I possibly catch a short, elusive, uneventful break? Where is the Joy that is usually welling up within me? Who stole the peace that once was simple to find?

My most innocent intentions have contorted and twisted violently leaving the shock and horror to reside within me longer than I ever expected. In it's wake I curse the moments that brought me down. In my struggle I stagger for the truth and honesty of friends who respect my boundaries. At times life can feel barren. Nothing beautiful blooms. And so the fruit of my work simply doesn't exist.

Most of the time, with it's absence, inspiration leaves my reach. Knowing I'm not perfect means, that so many others around me are just as flawed. But I feel my wary eyes searching for whatever unexpected threat lies beyond my view. How did I even get here?

Somedays I am too afraid to post like this. Broken, raw, uncensored. The blessing is that I don't always feel so weighed down. So moments like this one are few, and far between. But really, how would I know to distinguish and relish in the ups, if I didn't have a significant understanding of the downs?

Bamboo WHOOO!

2010-06-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm late. I tried to get this done sooner but my computer wouldn't allow me to. But here! Look! Proof! There are indeed bamboo floors in the boys' room. It was super fun to do and the whole process went fairly quickly. I'm sure there is some law about wearing shoes in hazardous environs such as this nail slingin household but we live on the edge. We are so wild I had to convince John that his loin cloth would surely not be suitable for blogland. Depending on how much you like muscles this may be a good or bad thing.

And look! I painted! It's gray! I was supposed to have some "finished" shots of the floor, but alas the work here is never done. John is going to be gone for a bit so my share of work will either a) slow down because I need him to function normally b) speed up because I have no one to share the load with c) I don't even want to think about a third option at this point. Know what I'm sayin?

Thanks for being patient with me as always! Hope you have a loverly Sunday!

The floors are done!

2010-06-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today we finished installing the bamboo flooring in the boys room. We are SOOO tired. I took lots of pictures but really...I'm too lazy at this point to even download them to my computer. The little dudes were so excited that they had their room back that they went to bed on their own! Or maybe they just got tired watching us work our hiney's off. There's that.

Flooring nailers are super fun...they are powerful and loud and I love them. I have to give it back though because it was a rental. Sigh.

I'll be posting pics tomorrow mornin!

Her own class of weird

2010-05-31T20:26:00.001-07:00

Look at those curly locks

And those fwuffy paws.

Claire is indeed in a league of her own. No one shows up for tryouts, very few are even interested, she is the only one on her team. But I'm her biggest fan, and she knows it. So she performs to her fullest everyday.

Dogs are mood lifters, its scientifically proven. Claire is one such a life enthusiast. She makes it all worthwhile. Even when no one is watching. Happy is her default.

I think I have a lot to learn from her.

My Fishin' Boy

2010-05-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

The only time he'll ever be patient; while he is waiting for a fish. He always catches the most. And most assuredly the largest.

The boys have been spending more and more time down at their fishing hole. The more crazy out of control our lives become the more we all want to hang the "gone fishing" sign. But we totally do it to ourselves. We plan practices, we bust out our DIY adventures, I sign up for anything that involves sugar, and don't even blink at a photo op. John comes and goes as his job demands, homeschool remains ever present as we try to keep the knowledge of the past year in Isaiah's brain.

Just one short year ago, I began dreaming of this blog adventure. I started my blog on Father's Day 09' and never looked back so to speak. I made a goal of posting everyday, but when it became too much of a chore, which I had never intended it to be, I began taking days off...and life just kept happening. Blog or not it always will. I love being able to share it all though. And I really appreciate everyone who spends time here goofin off with me. It's been a blessing, a reason to count them, a fantastic outlet, and a mind numbing electronic breakthrough for me.

And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

As for TJ, he hasn't moved yet. Just thought I'd let you know. He blinks though. It's how I know he's still alive.

The DIY fireplace surround! and simple DIY curtains!!!

2010-05-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

One of my most favorite things to do is save money by making things myself. I found this fabric on clearance at fabric store and decided that since it's color was a mystery, it would definitely take on the look of whatever room it was in. When I brought it home it reminded me of a pewter-blue that turned golden in the light. But now that it hangs on the wall it's sort of an antique silver. I love how it reflects the light. The last thing I need in my already dark space is something that will swallow up my light sources.

I had John hang the curtain rod before I hemmed the bottom of the curtain panel to make sure that the length would accentuate and not detract from my super tall windows.

Unfortunately like most other moves, things go missing. Like my other curtain rod. So the other curtain hasn't been hung yet. It would be much too simple for us to finish any project completely before moving on to the next one.

But look! No, not my floor that *looks* eternally dirty. The fireplace surround/mantel whatever you want to call it, it's almost done, just needs the base moulding! When we moved into our home the surround was just tile that was surround my door moulding. It was pretty but we had a huge issue: Where to put the cables that hung down from the TV.

They hung down directly in front of the fireplace and I writhed on the floor while John laughed. There is very little perfectionist left in me, but the smidgen left is concentrated to say the least. So I went to designing our surround. It started out with three boxes that were securely attached to the wall. Two boxes were the legs, and one box was the top. The top piece is where the wires are fed into. The very top board of the mantel is a 'lid' so that the wires can be easily accessed. Then they are threaded down through the leg and along the ground. Next we added recessed moulding and crown moulding to fancy it up a bit. John did all the order taking. He is really patient with me. He accurately measured and applied every piece of the thing himself. John has no eye for design and he will be the first to admit it, so every step of the way he would ask "okay, what next" and I would give him the next 'layer' to add on. I love how we make such a good team (high five baby!).

We used a combo of birch ply-wood and enviro-friendly moulding made from recycled vinyl. We try to go green where ever possible (in this case the green products were white and couldn't take wood stain so we opted to paint the entire surround white to match the existing base moulding). The one change I would make is using pressed board of some type to avoid splintering, just an FYI in case this is a project you want to tackle.

The materials for the project cost between $80-$100. Suh-weet.

100 bucks to go from this:

To this:

Momma like.

John and I have no experience with these kinds of projects. We just really like tools. And I just really like to design things. Now onto the bamboo flooring in the boys' room!

Do you have any summer projects going on??

Sweet Baby Girl

2010-05-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile I get to take pictures of precious little girls and if you haven't figured it out yet....I'm a fan. So yesterday's photo shoot was especially lovely. Sigh.

Lately I have been trying so hard to keep up with all the little things happening around me. Projects that I want to share, laying bamboo flooring in the boys' room, and actually doing the tutorials I promised you, not to mention including recipes. But when you run this crazy show called life alone on the interwebs, the task can seem daunting. As a matter of fact I'm completely overwhelmed. So basically I used this photo of pure cuteness as leverage. I need more time. I need more daylight for the shots I need to take. I need to be far less distractable and maybe even a little more intense for once.

But first I am going fishing with my boys. All of them. John likes when I fish. I like when John likes when I fish. It's a win/win.

DIY Mantel and updates

2010-05-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

Or fireplace surround whatever you want to call it. Remember this ugly chaotic pic from the beginning of our project?? It's soooo close to being done! I have this project plus curtains to show you! But I haven't finished reupholstering the chair (whoever made it had a sick fascination with their staple gun). Oh and I can't forget to mention food photography tutorials and recipes to go with. It's gonna be fun, are you excited yet?? The last couple of days have been taken up with baseball games and practices so time is being stolen from me, I can't complain...I am so proud of my sporty guys. But just you wait I'm stealing it back so we can party here together. WHOOOO.

Oh yeah, while I'm at it...any specific questions that I should include in the photography tutorials? Let me know!

i heart faces week 21

2010-05-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

my blog always cuts off images, if you click on it you will see the full image.

This weeks theme at i heart faces is YELLOW! I knew exactly what photo I wanted to use. TJ was in the bathtub with the bubble machine and I have always loved the composition of the photo along with his super sweet expression. The picture itself was taken with a point and shoot quite awhile ago, but the edits are from everything I have learned about photography since that time.

Go check out the other stunning submissions!!!!

Stock Food Photography

2010-05-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

Stock photos of food are luscious are they not???

When food is pretty, why not take pictures? Sometimes the obvious answer is because you're pretty darn hungry but for a blogger, there is more to it than that. If your like me, then you know a great recipe must be shared. And I'm not particularly interested without some eye candy. So for once, I am going to start some photography tutorials that will help you capture that cupcake in all it's sweetness or that perfectly grilled meaty specimen you make every time you have guests. Then maybe, just maybe, you'll feel the need to share your most loved recipes....with little ol' me.

Yeah I have an angle....It's obtuse. I like it that way. Don't judge me.

I better go get started!

Wedding Photography (caught in the editing vortex)

2010-05-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've finally made it through the last of my edits for my first wedding shoot. But I still have stories to tell...hopefully a good nights sleep will prompt me to go into detail because tonight all I have is images.

I looove fluffy dresses. Really. It's an extreme love.

I love when boys act tough while wearing boutonnieres. And purple. Heh.

These bridesmaids were super fun to work with.

The bride was quiet and shy and the sweetest little thing. I just wanted to squeeeeeze her. But I didn't. Because she didn't even know me. But next time I see her it's fair game. Because I know her now. As made apparent by said pictures. I'm tired.

Favorite little corners

2010-05-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

Even with all the smelly boys running through my house, stirring up clouds of red clay dust and leaving it to fly onto every recently dusted surface, I still have my favorite little corners. The spaces that when you are looking through a lens can transport you somewhere tranquil and inspiring. Then I either get pelted in the back of the head with darts, or hear the start of the "I'm hungry" whine, but I know I have an escape. Even if it's just for a moment.

The Looooove Boat...

2010-05-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

Okay silly show tunes aside, did you know I am a hopeless romantic? Well I am. So when I saw this picture uploading onto my computer, I was pretty darn excited. It seems like the finale but really it's just a beautiful beginning isn't it? My "big wedding" was only a year and a half ago, and this brought back so many memories of our special day (We had renewed our vows for the fourth time at our "big wedding" it was our five year anniversary. I don't know if there will be a fifth renewal, I cry harder every time. It's a grateful cry, but it doesn't need to get ugly. Know what I'm sayin' ? ). John has a habit of treating me like a lady. Even when I am not. Our wedding was no exception. He couldn't have made it anymore perfect for me. I saw that with these two, and even now it makes me cry. Darn it.

I remember when I was young I would look through the wedding album from my parents' wedding. I was fascinated by the beauty and happiness surrounding that day. I would ask my mom what everyone was doing. I tried to unlock the mystery of light blue tuxes. I couldn't understand why my grandma's hands were in a picture, wearing my moms wedding ring and resting on her bouquet.

Turns out they were my moms hands.

Oops. The innocence of a child. Heh. Apparently our hands don't age well. Mine look just like hers now.

Sorry mom. I was a weird kid. I blame dad.

Wait...Whuh?

So anyway, back to the sweet couple. It's photos like this that make me think of their children. When they grow up these are the pictures that will fascinate, confuse (or maybe that's just me) and delight them. They lend to the romance of the south. Where life isn't hurried and the moments are completed. It's neither night nor day, beginning or ending. It just is. And I love that.

boyhood

2010-05-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

It's part of my life story. As a momthropologist I sit and watch it in action. This need to carry large semi-wild things. The urge to bandaid week old scrapes in the event you meet someone new and need an icebreaker. The only moment in recent memory that seems like fondness between these two. Somehow actually captured. If only I was a boy. I would write the book on boyhood.

In some way, I am so grateful I don't have the experience.

I fought the blog and the blog won

2010-05-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

I fought the blog and the blog won.

I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself.

I have a million crazy things going on. Editing from the wedding shoot. Still in the process of reupholstering a chair. Finish up the final details on our fireplace surround while homeschooling. Even preparing food for a food snob such myself. I love food. I love it even more when it's prepared well. Can I get an amen?

So I definitely am experiencing some major blog block. And I have been trying to ignore it by keeping busy.

What I would normally share includes pictures but right now the thought that my stock of pics has been greatly diminished has somehow kept me away from the good ol' idea of writing as an outlet. Or just thinking of blog worthy subjects in general.

But I think I just need to push past it all. So I am going to share a few of the shots from the wedding. I was there to focus on the details and to help- to be the photographers assistant.

I had a blast.

I love the soft glow of the light on the veil.

And the stories behind the details. This butterfly was made by the groom for his wife to be.

I always find some liquid to take pictures of.

And my affinity for fancy dresses was reaffirmed. The bride was gorgeous. Her dress was stunning. I cried a little but no one saw. Every emotion I feel is tied to my tear ducts. It makes me look like weenie when I'm angry.

What a learning experience it was. The name of the game was "hustle." I have a new appreciation and respect for what photographers charge to do this kind of photography. Even though it's over, the editing takes up vast quantities of time not to mention the concentration to make it all perfect and timeless.

Whew! I blogged. High five! I'm such a whiner I know. But I'm getting over it. Until tomorrow lovelies!

Sharm-Shellow Roasters

2010-05-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

This weird kid likes fire. His weird mom likes sugar. Together we roasted marshmallows. Just the two of us. With this weeny little fire that I fought to make for an hour. I came in covered in ashes but full of roasted marshmallowy goodness. TJ consumed untold amounts of the stuff and seemed be more content than he has for nearly 3 months.

Last year TJ called them "sharm-shellows," but this year it's serious business. You say it right, or you don't say it at all. Boys.

I ain't gon' lie

2010-05-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

I thought about quitting. I thought about throwing in the blog towel and I got more bitter than I have been in a long time. I cried. Hard. I cried ugly. I lost pictures...some for memories some for silly blogging posts....and a few for a job. The job was for recognition if nothing else. But it meant a lot to me.

I wondered what the point was. And I thought about the memories that were lost forever. And I decided that blogging was heartache when you could read the words and not see the images that words eluded to. I wanted to hate it because it is the great indiscriminate force of all things electronic. It doesn't know I have a heart beat. Or that certain things could nearly stop it. It just is what it is.

But I suck at goodbyes. And I thought about the flood victims that lost so much. So I'm still here. I still have a love story to finish. I still have recipes to try and weird boys to wrangle. Do I have as much to offer as Pioneer Woman or Bakerella? No. But surviving some rather ugly moments and being able to smile and shake it off might set me apart. I don't have the money the bells and whistles, the support of every ad campaign pining for my contract. But I have a story. Its riddled with mistakes and lessons, laughter, and pain. And it's my own. No one can touch what my eyes have seen and my heart has felt unless I am willing to share it. And if some of it goes missing then it was just like every other unrecorded moment. It served it's purpose for that time. At some time it was the present, and that old turtle on Kung Fu Panda says the present is a gift. I believe him because then he turned into flower petals and flew away. You gotta see the movie.

See. My story.

So I'm here. I'm angry. But I'm smiling. I am going to create new moments just as beautiful with my family, be willing to see them, and to continue passed the huge "quit" option.

I love you. I adore you. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. You carried me through today. And every day.

Love,

your friend who completely failed at quitting

ps...dear John, when I called you wailing in your ear and you didn't hang up on me because you love me even though I can be dramatic at times...well....thanks honey.

pss dear mom...sorry I called so early so you could get the tail end of what John had to hear because our conversation was cut short...something about the military owning him...I don't know really I'm just here for the show.

so this new really terrible thing happened...

2010-05-13T06:26:00.000-07:00

unfortunately when my iphoto program stopped working it deleted all my flickr uploaded pictures so every picture I have posted is on my computer still but now it doesn't show up on my blog...I am aware of the complete lack of photos. And sad because I have no idea how many pictures will be gone forever but its ahem...a lot. It's a big blow to my blogging world and I am super upset, I will see what I can do. Basically if you search my archives you only get words. I think I will go cry now.

Back in the game!

2010-05-12T19:45:00.000-07:00

This last week was a whirlwind of excitement and at the end of it all I had some computer issues that caused me to take a short break from blogging. Mostly my computer was so busy running programs that I couldn't ask it to do anything else. So I didn't.

I got to tag along as a photographer's assistant for a wedding in Kentucky last weekend. Isaiah, my big boy, was a stand in so that we could practice and get a handle on the settings a bit ahead of time. Then we had to actually take pictures of the wedding...that's a post all on its own...

Grandma Mary moved into her own super cute place and I miss her.

And I actually did some real laundry since my computer was like, sooo not in the mood to think.

But now I'm back so we will have to scavenge for matching socks and the world will be as it should.

I missed you. *sigh*

computer troubles

2010-05-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am working out some glitches, lost my entire photo album and had to rebuild, if you haven't noticed already...I love my photos =D I will be back on by tonight!

Tonight I chased lightning bugs

2010-05-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

This picture is from a nat geo contest you can click it to follow the link, I haven't figured out how to capture the little glowy guys yet.

My boys along with the neighbor kids and I ran around trying to catch lightning bugs. This may seem like no big deal if you're from around these here parts. But I was thrilled. Apparently I was like, the only one out of the bunch who had never seen them. I have always wanted to though. It's like seeing your first snow I bet.

We would catch the blinking green in the distant field and dash toward it as fast as our night vision would allow. Laughing and falling when the hill grew steep more quickly than our balance could save us. Walking when we were out of breath, and cracking up when the silhouette of diving boy flailed and disappeared from sight. You could hear the a thud of the fall. The glimmer of the intended target drifting along towards it's friends. Probably having a good laugh himself.

At one point I said "What if our butts glowed too." All I can tell you is that John still loves me. Regardless of my super intelligent remarks.

Lightning bugs are enchanting. They represent childhood. And like so many I am constantly trying to chase down what I missed as a child. Sometimes the best part of doing silly things like this, is the giggles. The little people who scurried around capturing bugs for me on a whim may not remember this particular night forever. But because I have reasons to cherish it, I will.

I do.

Just call him Sunshine

2010-05-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

He glows.

He knows how to do life.

Above all else, he can make me smile. Thanks Sam.

Tennessee today

2010-05-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

We went to see the creek...

The water was still rushing though the level was going down considerably.

And in some areas it was completely still. The green was vibrant. And it spoke of rebirth, but there was the sting of bitterness for the hurt that came along too.

The carved out sides of the bank told the story of a rushing river that had passed through.

In some areas the width of the creek was nearly 30 feet across. Pieces of shutters, clothing, things strewn about. Alien things for this lush, green landscape.

It made me remember simpler times.

The tiny, quiet 6 foot wide creek bed covered in the fallen leaves of a beautiful autumn.

The crisp clean winter snow that made for some rather fun winter posts.

The sounds of a gently trickling natural water feature right down the hill of the place I call home.

Claire loves it all the same.

I went to Nashville today. I got to see a bit of the devastation first hand. It was more eerie and real than I had even expected it to be. I tried not to focus on what I couldn't change. I tried to wrap my head around the tragedy and everyone working behind the scenes. One of the members of my photography club lost his life in the flood. I didn't know him, but my heart goes out his family and friends.

Now it is time to hope. It is time to smile and spread joy. To pray and to be helpful. It's time to rebuild starting with our hearts. There is nothing like the love and compassion of these southern people. I am astounded by the calls of residents into the local news station leaving their home phone numbers to flash across the screen. They all had the same messages "if you live near my street and can get here I have room, please come if you have no where else to go, I'll take care of you." Blessed humanity. I think I can breath again.

Foodtography part 2!

2010-05-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

I took these during the second day of non-stop storms. Then I ate.

I had every intention of posting some photos of the creek but have been wrapped up in the coverage of the flooding. Until tomorrow sweet friends.

Please continue to pray for the victims of the flood and for my dear friend Scott ( pictured below...here is his other site) and his family who have become victims of the flood. Drop him a line of encouragement if you have a moment.